Me: Inner Self, will you be my sounding board?
Inner Self (IS): I was, I am and I will be….always. What do you wanna talk about, today? Some new aspiration?
Me: No, no new aspiration. I am just wondering… I wanna do some analysis.
IS: Wondering? Analysis about what?
Me: About some people. Why do they act so smart? I mean. why cant they be simple and straight in their dealings?
IS: Hmmm….go on.
Me: They talk such blatant lies sometimes and exaggerate so much. Don’t they know, the other person is intelligent enough to understand their charade? Don’t they have a fear of disgracing themselves.
Me: Exactly. I guess, these people love to hear themselves speak. They reject the opinions and have no regard for the words of others, and carry a haughty attitude that can rub many people wrong. The best (or is it the worst?) is that if somebody is not in sync with their opinions, they become angry, may be because, it makes them look very bad to have their opinion disagreed with. And they get angry, may be also because, they believe that they are always right.
IS: You may be right.
Me: They have ideas, suggestions, tips, anecdotes on everything. There is nothing, out of their scope of knowledge. And I have observed that, while you are talking, they would be dying to share their next statement!
IS: So, are you troubled with all this?
Me: Some times, its very irritating and sometimes I feel pity for them.
IS: So, why do you think they’d be behaving in this particular fashion?
Me: May be they are insecure. May be, they have some underlying fears. Fear of vulnerability or fear of being judged inadequate.
IS: But how do people develop into Mr. Know-it All?
Me: As children these people, grow up being compared to impossible people or standards. May be their parents constantly judged them and criticized them harshly for not being perfect.
As adults, they carry serious self-doubts about their worthiness. Often, they strive for perfection to prove that they are really OK and so that they will not be criticized again.
Me: May be…
- Recognize that it is useless to argue with this person. I will not win and it only adds fuel to the fire.
- Don’t take their behavior personally. They behave in this manner with everyone – not just me. And I am not the only one who finds them impossible to be around.
- Acknowledge their competence and take the time to hear them out. The more I do this, the less likely they will feel they have something to prove.
- Ignore them because everybody has their talents and their failings. So acting the way they do, is their way of dealing.
IS: I must say, you are bang on target. By the way, how come we are having a change in the conversation.
Me: You don’t like me in this analytical mode?
IS: I never said that!
Me: May be, Mondays make me Analyze….
IS: (Murmuring) Yeah…this sure is better than those weird aspirations.