Graduation, post graduation, jobs, different cities ensured that we lost touch completely.
A chance mention about her in a conversation, a few months ago, made my father hunt for her number through his network of friends. Yes, our fathers worked in the same organization and we stayed in the same colony too!
Early this week, when I was in Bangalore, a push from my father made me call her. We spoke for more than 30 minutes and talked all about family and common friends and general life in the last 2 decades.
At one point of time, we had a conversation which reads like this…
She: When did you get married?
Me: In 1997.
She : Oh, so you have been married for 15 years.
Me. Yes and what about you?
She : I never married!
And since then “Oh, so you have been married for 15 years…. I never married!” is repeatedly buzzing in my head!
That’s because I sense a lot of things behind these few words.
Many people consciously decide to stay single and are happy with their choice of decision. They like their freedom and are content with their lifestyle. This post is not about them.
This post is about people for whom being single is not their personal choice. It’s what life has thrown their way. They would like to get married, but destiny has some other plans.
I am not saying that marriage is something that would ‘complete’ you or that it is mandatory for ‘that’ social acceptance and security. Or that you can be in a happy and healthy existence only if you are married. If that had been the case, all marriages would be successful and would never fail or become loveless or living hell for some.
Even though one may be at peace with this situation of being single or love living on their own, or like their solitude but do they experience those times when all logic, all rationale eludes them?
Does it happen that all those things that sustains them daily or keeps them going, does not make any sense sometimes?
Do they experience hurt and sadness at times or the anger and frustration on seeing ‘happily married’ people around?
How tough it would be to answer, “When are you getting married?”
Or how do they cope with suggestions from family and ‘friends’ to marry any TDH (or Sally Jane or Suzie for the guys)?
Do they get thoughts of “I am not good enough?”
Do the feelings of jealousy and depression creep in some times??
I believe, it’s so very normal to feel and experience all of these.
Just today, my regular maid who is leaving for a month long trip to her village, came with her replacement. This temporary maid has worked with me for few months some time back too. So, she asked about Aaryan. I told her that he is studying in a boarding school, Her one statement, “Arre, aap to usko itne pyaar aur achche se rakhte the!” (Oh, you used to take such good care of him and loved him!) has disturbed me to no end. And this is despite that it was our conscious decision!
So, while I feel sad for my friend, I wish…
…We understand that there will always be people who have better things than us or those who achieve faster in life…
…We learn to be happy and to be at peace with ourselves…
…We remember that it is not circumstances that make us happy or unhappy, but our attitude towards them.
I know, it’s easier said than done, but then nothing is impossible!
Who knows, what life will give you at the very next turn!
Picture from Google Images