Category: Life’s Lessons

5 Things About Life I Wish I Had Known 20 Years Ago #WordsMatter

A dose of wisdom arrives with every fine line! Yes, we learn more about life as we get older.

As I sit today and reflect, I realize that with passing years, I have learned quite a few things. Had I known them some 20 years ago, I would have made different choices, both in my personal and professional life. Here are 5 things about life I wish I had known 20 years ago…

1. Develop Healthy Eating Habits

20 years ago, I believed that I had a lifetime free pass to eat whatever junk I wanted and it wouldn’t affect my body in any visible adverse way. But now that I’ll be 50 in a couple of years, Boy! Does this fat love my body!?! The fat sticks to me for dear life!! And my best and sincere efforts to banish it, fail miserably. I wish, I had known 20 years ago that a healthy diet is important when you’re young. And that’s because, what you eat today has a big impact on your health tomorrow

2. Worry Less

Worry has been my middle name. I have spent sleepless nights worrying about big things like jobs during recession, rising inflation, health scare due to air pollution and small things like the tone of the email from the boss or about getting stuck in the traffic. I have imagined dire scenarios about all these big and small things. It’s only now that the greys in the head have made me realize that most of the imagined worst case scenarios never happened! I wish, I had known 20 years ago that worrying is pretty useless as it often gives a small thing a big shadow. And life usually turns out just fine.

3. Let Go

For years, I have carried heavy baggage in my head. I have lived in the past for a long time. I have nurtured the hurt and resentments so much that they made me bitter. It was much later that I learnt that you can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one. I wish, I had known that letting go of things that pull you down will not only free you but give you peace and happiness too.

4. Enjoy the Journey

I have spent most of my life, ticking off things in my to-do lists. I crammed my day with obligations and responsibilities, and raced from one task to another like a worker bee and felt smug at the end of the day to see the accomplished tasks. It has taken 20 years to know that it is important to focus on the journey, not the destination. Joy is found not in finishing an activity but in doing it.

5. Maintain Quality Connections

Life gets busy and it runs at a faster pace after the 20s. I am seeing that so many of my friends from school, college, co-workers from earlier work places have slowly faded from my life. Relationships are a big part of our lives, yet it is one of the easiest things to neglect. I wish, I had stayed connected with a few of my good old friends. And that is because there is no better “fix” than having friends (more specifically girlfriends) to vent to, listen to, shop with, have lunch or a glass of wine with, support, or hold us up through a storm!

What are some of the life lessons you wish you had known 20 years ago?

I received this tag from Parul Kashyap Thakur at Happiness and Food. It’s my pleasure to pass on this tag to Vinay R from I Rhyme Without Reason. There are 29 of us on this Blog Hop and it will be spread over 3 days – 1st, 2nd and 3rd November. Do follow the #WordsMatter Blog Hop and prepare to be surprised!

November 1, 2019
10 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them

Do you have toxic people in your life?

I know quite a few of them. Just a few days ago, I met this friend who truly ruined my day with her miserable, judgmental and negative talk. I shared a happy development with her and she poked holes in it and questioned my perception of reality which seriously made me doubt myself. A few minutes with her left me sick to my stomach. She certainly has toxic personality traits. People like her are energy sucking vampires who have the ability to ruin your peace of mind with their words, attitude and behaviour. These are the people who leave no opportunity to put you down and hold you back from moving ahead. They add negativity, stress, distress and disgust in your life.

“People inspire you, or they drain you—pick them wisely.” – Hans F. Hansen

People around us influence our views, mind-set, productivity, how we treat others, and even how we see ourselves. We cant distance ourselves from toxic people until we first know who they are. So, it is important that we assess the signs and personality traits of toxic people and try to stay away from them. This isn’t about judging people but about identifying the toxic types and finding out what we can do to protect ourselves from their use and abuse. Here is a list of 10 types of toxic people and how to spot them…

1. Victims

These people take no responsibility for their own life. They feel life is unfair and unjust, just for them and they are constantly cheated by it. They are great at pointing fingers at others and never accepting that they have made a mistake. It’s only a matter of time until they pull us into their own blame game, which is detrimental to our peace of mind.

2. Gossipers

These people are adept at twisting facts and distorting information. They want to be accepted and recognized and tearing down the lives of other people is their way to get the attention they want.

3. Jealous

These green-eyed monsters, believe in minimizing our strengths and accomplishments to make themselves feel better. They are envious of our success, good fortune, or positive attributes. They can even make us feel guilty for sharing our happiness.

4. The Leaches

These people expect us to support them always and tend to suck the life from us in the areas of time, finances and emotional support. However when we need their support, they aren’t available.

5. Liars

Whether they tell small lies or exaggerate, trusting them in a relationship can be exhausting. Their dishonesty can be draining and distracting.

6. Manipulators

They use other people to accomplish their goals. They are only focused on getting what they want and will go to any stretch to get it. They extract all the information and then throw it back at us when it benefits them.

7. Critics

They never have anything positive to say and criticize and judge all our actions and beliefs. Their negativity can be contagious and can seriously hit our self esteem.

8. Narcissist

This person thinks he or she is God’s gift to mankind and we can never measure up to their standards. So they look down upon us and do not compromise and lack compassion and empathy. They are willing to destroy everything and everyone around them, when they feel hurt or rejected.

9. Pretentious

These types only act as friends on comfortable terms. When we need their help and support they tend to do the vanishing act.

10. Dismissers

These people put us down, often subtly but sometimes straight-up, in order to make them feel better about themselves. Since they think they are the smartest person in the room, so, they see every conversation and person as a challenge that must be won over.

We all deserve to be happy and staying away from the drama of these toxic people is mandatory for our well being. Read more about Toxic People here.

Can you spot any toxic person in your circle of friends and relatives from this list? What are your experiences with toxic people? How do you cope with their behavior?

August 29, 2019
I Know for Sure
Writing today’s post had been on my mind, since the last two days. A blank Windows Live Writer had been staring at me since yesterday. I stared at it for a few more minutes and then went on to check the Facebook notification alert. I spent a few minutes on my timeline and then clicked on a link that led me to an article from Twinkle Khanna. I read it and smiled and then moved on to another link of some another article and suddenly I realized that I had a task at hand.

I came back to the blank Windows Live Writer and stared at it for some more time. So, the thing is that I want to write but I just don’t know what to write.

A voice in my head said, write what you know. Writing about what I am sure of or am familiar with would be easy, I thought. Well, I wouldn’t know, until I made an attempt to do so.

So here I go with the list of things I know for sure…
- I know how it feels to lose an unborn child.
- I know that one small, thoughtful gesture can make a big difference in someone’s day/life.
- I know what it’s like to struggle and wait for the success to come your way.
- I know what it’s like to have to sell one’s most prized possession.
- I know how it feels to buy it back too.
- I know how it’s like to risk everything for an idea.
- I know what it is like to hold on to the past.
- I know for sure how freeing it is to let go.
- I know what it’s like to live with fear of death of your loved ones.
- I know what it feels like to lose hope and then finding it back again.
- I know what it is to have pain so deep, that you spend countless nights crying yourself to sleep.
- I know what it’s like to feel alone, like you have no one to turn to.
- I know what it is to receive support from unknown quarters.
- I know how it feels to sing at the top of your voice with the singer on the radio.
- I know that failure is just what is needed to learn some important life lessons.
- I know for sure that this post has a melancholic feel to it.
- And I know for sure that a blank page is no longer staring at me.
What do you know for sure?
July 7, 2019
Inspiring Quotes About Kindness #worldkindnessday

Some time back, I was travelling by bus and was not feeling too well. I dozed off right after getting my ticket checked and got up when the bus stopped at midway. I wanted to drink something cool but felt too tired to get down from the bus. My co-passenger, with whom I had not exchanged even a single word till then, asked me if he can buy something for me from the shops outside. I hesitated. He said that it was no big deal for him for he was getting down anyways. But it was a big deal for me. His gesture truly touched me and I am grateful for his help, still.

The other day, after a busy day shopping and doing some chores, I took a cab for going back home. As I sat in the cab, I realized that I had skipped lunch and just then my tummy growled to confirm it. I asked the driver to stop at a food joint and I darted out to pick up something to eat. I bought some sandwiches and gave a pack of it to the driver. I cant forget his reaction. He was so happily surprised and said that nobody had ever bought something for him. He had this happy smile on his face that continued till he dropped me at my destination.

13th November is celebrated as World Kindness Day. Kindness is something that we all need and it is something that we all can share with everybody we meet. It’s small little things that make a big difference in our lives. It makes us not only happy but leaves a lasting impression on the receiver too.

Here are some of my favourite quotes on Kindness that inspire me to make a difference…

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see. -Mark Twain

Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness. -George Sand

There is overwhelming evidence that the higher the level of self-esteem, the more likely one will be to treat others with respect, kindness, and generosity. -Nathaniel Branden

You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force. -Publilius Syrus

Always be a little kinder than necessary. -James M. Barrie

A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees. -Amelia Earhart

How beautiful a day can be when kindness touches it! -George Elliston

One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession. -Sophocles

He that has done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged. -Benjamin Franklin

A warm smile is the universal language of kindness. -William Arthur Ward

Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate. -Albert Schweitzer

Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you. -Princess Diana

Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.”
-Barbara de Angelis

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end. -Scott Adams

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Linking this to…

Making Kindness The Norm #worldkindnessday #makekindnessthenorm at Write Tribe

November 13, 2018
5 Life Lessons That Travel Teaches You

Over the last two decades, I have traveled a lot. A large part of it is due to work but also because I can’t stand to be in one place for too long. There is this constant urge to see more and go further to explore and experience. No matter where and how far you go, I believe travel changes you in a lot many ways. As Mark Twain said, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness…” Yes, travel expands and enriches your experiences and life. The life lessons from my travel are a lot, but here are 5 of them which are inspired by my years on the road.

Lesson #1: You’re more capable than you think – They say travel can transform you and I agree with it completely. I was an introvert, but travel has turned me into an outgoing introvert or an ambivert. When I look back, I realize that I have done a lot of things which seemed nearly impossible or uncharacteristic for me. I have travelled at all ungodly hours of the night alone, chatted away to glory with strangers, eaten alone at restaurants without a blink or care, dealt with eve-teasers and unruly behavior, handled unexpected mishaps and much more. I now know that I am capable of handling whatever is thrown at me, there might be mistakes but the challenge is taken heads on.

Lesson #2: You create your own stories through some priceless experiences – Life is about memories and not diamonds. Travel gives you some unusual and vivid experiences that last a lifetime. I can talk for hours about the various experiences I have had at various places. Shedding tears with a stranger as she shared her life and loss, listening to some amazing experiences of a cabbie, sitting quietly under a tree and soaking in the sounds and beauty of the nature, roaming the streets at night with a gang of friends and having some fun talks… are some of the experiences that I look back with smiles, always.

Lesson #3: You CAN survive without technology – I was at this remote resort in the hills where there was no mobile network. There was a landline at the resort though. The initial thoughts were anxiety and panic ridden. I soon realized that I must accept the reality. I cut my digital lifeline and soaked in the beauty and serenity around me. Going for walks in the woods, lounging in the sun and chatting with colleagues and participants of the workshop without the intrusion of texts and alerts from phones, re-learning to live in the moment felt positively luxurious. And when I was back in connectivity after 3 days, I realized that I had not missed anything. FOMO – the fear of missing out had turned into JOMO – the joy of missing out.

Lesson #4: You learn skills – Travelling is the only thing you buy that makes you richer in skills and learnings. I had a poor sense of direction and believed in traveling with luggage which would last me for two trips. Some mishaps made me learn to travel light and become a better traveler. Travel makes you good at time management, communication and social skills, adaptability along with decision-making skills as well.

Lesson #5: You are appreciative of your loved ones – Days and weeks away from your family would make you realize how important they are in your life. Traveling certainly makes you appreciate your family and friends more. And you realize that there’s no place like home.

What life lessons have your travels given you? Do share with me in the comment box.

February 17, 2018
Beware of Greeks Bearing Gifts [ Guest Post]

Hello Folks. Say Hi to my today’s Guest Blogger Shalini Baisiwala from Shalzmojo. I had the pleasure of meeting her some time back and she comes across as a warm, confident and intelligent woman with inner strength. An interior designer by profession and a blogger by passion. Shalini blogs about her experiences of travel, food, books, mindfulness.

Please join me in welcoming Shalini to my space here and I hope you enjoy her thoughtful and thought-provoking post.
Over to you, Shalini…

I am a big believer of giving gifts. There is something about wrapping it up, writing a pretty handwritten note, finding that perfect ribbon to tie it in and then the surprise on the receiver’s face – it all totals up into a big joy for me. So if I love giving them, logic says I would love receiving them too – right? I mean give and take is the basis of a good healthy relationship.

Wrong!!!!

Much as I love to give out gifts, and receive them too; my focus is always on why someone is giving me a gift. I know they say “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth”. But I get very uncomfortable when people whom I barely know or have just recently met, start dishing out gifts to me. I start to look at the intention and every time I look at the gift displayed in my house – be it a coloring book, a magnet or a keepsake of any sort, it makes me uncomfortable.

My discomfort defines my feelings towards that relationship/person and it’s actually my intuition telling me to be careful about it.

In the past one year, there were these three new folks that I met who showered me with gifts. Each relationship had its doldrums beneath the smooth and calm surface of fun and friend ship. Each of the three fell apart as I realized I was being used. The fact of the matter was that the other side decided that I was someone who could be “useful” to them somehow and thus befriended me with that intent.

Silly me – here I was flattered for all the attention of being taken out for a movie, picked and dropped for coffee meets and most times the tab was also being picked up by the other person. Plus the gifts that were being showered on me; even though they were fast becoming a thorn in my side.

Why so? I really needed to analyze it. After all it’s the thought that counts right? But what was the thought behind these gifts?

Out of the three, one relationship went down south in the most miserable way as the perp realized I was not as useful as she had thought me to be. Ouch! The missiles in this case were brutal. I let it go thinking she is bipolar or something.

Second relationship was too much of a one way for me. I was always available to lend my able shoulders for a cry on, my softie heart for empathy and my limitless time as of course I had nothing better to do than wait for her to grace me with her presence. This person started getting a gift with very sweet notes of thank you for my being there for her. But when I would call her, message her or try to meet her; there would be radio silence from the other end. Sometimes I would get apologetic messages letting me know how bogged down she is with work/family/shit…….

Never once in past one year have I been able to catch hold of her when I wanted to talk to her. So the next time she tried to give me a gift, I put my foot down and told her that I cannot accept as she has already given me too much. I think I offended her because then she stopped meeting me altogether.

Third person was too sweet to me and some of our common friends cautioned me against her trying to use me. Actually they were right and I realized that to stop this relationship from going further.

See it is the thought that counts and in each case, the person was assuaging their own conscience by making sure there was a “give” to justify the “take” they wanted from me. A very pre-determined take based on their perception of my usefulness to them.

“Gifts have ribbons, not strings.” – Vanna Bonta

But this is surely not the intent of gifting. In my humble opinion it is not so. I send gifts because they make me happy and it makes me happy because I love the person I am doing it for. Oh I have a give-take in play too; my take is to boost the friendship and let the other person know how important they are to me.

I have made some terrific online friends via Secret Santa and other online interactions who now send gifts to me on my bday and otherwise too. We have never met but the bond has been created and there is a happy reciprocation of gifts, thoughts and love between us. We may never meet in the real world, in fact haven’t even spoken on the phone but our hearts are connected.

Gifts are not merely things but can be thoughts, helping hand, and one’s time – all in all they are stuff you do selflessly without any expectation of a return. That for me is the true nature of gifting.

What is your take on gifts? Do you think my reasoning is faulty? What would your advice be to me on this?

About Shalzmojo

An interior designer by profession, writing is a passion which coupled with travel love, blossomed into this blog where I love to just “do my thing”! Be it recipes, food events, travel jaunts, fiction dreaming or even meditative musings; all of it’s taken up quite passionately on my blog. I am a serious wine guzzler and love to chase butterflies in my free time.

February 13, 2018
Playing the Victim Card
The family of five had grim and sombre expressions as they waited in the corridor outside the Operation Theatre of the hospital. It was a major health crisis for them. The doctors assured that with medicines and care, the matriarch of the family would have a better quality of life.

Day after day, the children gave their mother best care and undivided attention which benefitted her immensely.

Soon they started seeing a change in her. With numerous friends and relatives dropping by, she started enjoying the sympathy talks and basked in the attention that was lavished on her. She bragged about her illness. She complained about everything and got into self-pity mode frequently. She constantly blamed other people or situations for feeling miserable. She refused to take up any responsibility even when she started getting better. If people told her to get active, she would either get hyper, “How dare you suggest that to me. You don’t know what I am going through” or get into victim mode, “I am in pain and nobody cares for me.”

Needless to say that this disturbed and drained the entire family.

These were the classic signs and symptoms of victim mentality.

Playing the victim actually gave her a lot of power: power to avoid responsibility, power to feel ‘righteously’ sad, power to avoid uncomfortable emotions which would always result in teary-weepy episodes and power to manipulate other people.

Dealing with a self-victimizing person is not an easy task. But it must be dealt with before the relationship with them turns toxic. The children got wiser from their experience and here’s what we can learn from them to tackle the victim mentality displayed by their mother.
- Do not ignore the red flags. Though the family took action a bit later, but retrospectively they realized that the warning signs were all there from the beginning. They should not have been brushed under the carpet as a bad day or mood swings. Before the other person’s victim mentality starts to negatively impact your own life, it’s important to take action. Sit with the person and make them see the picture and work towards fixing it.
“As long as you feel like a victim, you are one.” – Morgan Freeman
- Change the story. Help the person to be a survivor in their life story rather than a victim. A victim dwells in the past, a survivor lives in the present. A victim believes they’re helpless, a survivor takes back control over their life. Although the victim mentality is addictive, the survivor mentality is much more empowering in the long term. Change their focus from being self-absorbed to being interested in others. Help them realize the power of gratitude.
They say that victim mentality is a learned behavior, so it can be unlearnt too. Unlearning wasn’t easy but with patience and consistent efforts, my friend and her family fixed the negative attitude that was destroying their peace of mind and happiness.

Have you ever been stuck with someone with a victim mentality? How did you overcome it? Do share in the comments.

Linking this to #FridayReflections
January 6, 2018
Trees of Faith -Thursday Tree Love #5

At Salasar Balaji, Churu, Rajasthan.

“There’s a reason we refer to “leaps of faith” – because the decision to consent to any notion of divinity is a mighty jump from the rational over to the unknowable, and I don’t care how diligently scholars of every religion will try to sit you down with their stacks of books and prove to you through scripture that their faith is indeed rational; it isn’t.
If faith were rational, it wouldn’t be – by definition – faith.
Faith is belief in what you cannot see or prove or touch.
Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark.
If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be… a prudent insurance policy.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

Do you believe in the power of faith?

Linking this to Thursday Tree Love, a photo feature hosted by Parul Thakur. If you would like to play along, post a picture of a tree on your blog and link up. Let’s come together to appreciate the beautiful nature around us.

November 23, 2017