Friday’s 55 Fiction : Ashes of Hope
55 Fiction is a form of micro-fiction that refers to the works of fiction limited to a maximum of fifty-five words.
Ashes of Hope
She saw them laughing with gay abandon…
She watched them pedaling furiously to win… as she took another sip.
She smiled as they sang nursery rhymes on the swings.
She knew where each one was hiding.
He looked at her imploringly for help…
“Riya, don’t lean so much, you’ll fall down from the wheel chair”.
Image Courtesy: Google Images
August 14, 2009 3:15 pm|
Good one.
But there was a lack of depth though. the last part was enough to move me out (Do not get me wrong, 55 Fiction itself disarms the writer into writing deeply!)
August 14, 2009 5:16 pm|
Good One. Its different from what you have written earlier. A simple one but refreshing. Liked it!
August 14, 2009 5:30 pm|
@ Pawan: Thanks and I know what you mean. 🙂
Yeah, this one is a simple tale in 55 words unlike the other ones. 😀
August 14, 2009 5:42 pm|
Hey Shilpa
Good one but not as great as the previous one.
You know,this giving a twist in the last line is becoming all too obvious.
We kind of expect it now.
Anyways a good 55-er.
Cheers and check my recent post.
i dont know what ur reaction will be but after having some “funny posts” i have gone back to the very reason because of which i started blogging: TO SEE INDIA BECOME A BETTER PLACE…..
August 14, 2009 6:15 pm|
Okay…. A guess!!!!! NOw this is wat i made out of the post!!!!! Riya is a gal who is disabled. She could just watch things goin around her. And while doing so she hoped she could do the same and while trying to move out of the chair she was about to fall off!!!
I did no understand “He looked at her…”
But…. i liked the hope built by the gal and it was sad that her hopes turned to ashes!!!!
August 14, 2009 6:17 pm|
Hey… my last comment was 1111th comment on ur blog!!!!!!!!!! Lucky me!!!!
August 14, 2009 6:20 pm|
Woooo… U had me there. As Indian Pundit said I was braced for the twist-in-the-tale but then the child angle was unexpected.
I have started to love your stories. Initially, I was apprehensive with those two men-are-creeps and advising-all-men how to dress blogs of yours but then I read some more.
Sure you have talent. In fact you have found a loyal reader in me. I am following your blog now. Keep up the good work.
Forgive me if my comments on those two posts sounded rude. Trust me, I am not a MCP but I just can’t stand all this all-men-are-MCPs stuff that is going around now-a-days.
Happy Blogging!!
Peace,
Paritosh
August 14, 2009 6:26 pm|
Oh my….and oh wow.!!!
August 14, 2009 6:39 pm|
nice one shilpa….. I am trying to do this 55 thing..but not been able to till now…. It will be my greatest achievement if i do so…
August 14, 2009 6:57 pm|
hey shilpa!
wen it turned out 2 be a friday the first thought that came to me was, SHILPA”S 55 FICTION FRIDAY!!!
this was gud!! But not impressive (am sorry shilpa!!) But it din’t create a big effect!!
last friday i became a fan f urs aft seeing that 55Fiction!
I know am nt a very gud 55fiction but you were awesome!!
just mind blowing in your earlier post!
am sry if i told anythin wrong!
August 14, 2009 7:03 pm|
wonderful one.. you have become a master of it.. you brought the pain and helplessness yet those cruel desires of living a normal life..
makes one want to appreciate what all gods have given us..
wonderful..
Rane
August 14, 2009 7:38 pm|
@ garima: Thanks girl! 🙂
@ IndianPundit: Thank you for your feedback. 🙂
@ Sumeet: Yay, you got it right!!
“He looked at her..” That’s another child looking at her for help coz she knows, where all are hiding!!
And Congratulations for being my 1111st commenter!! So you’d get a virtual treat soon!! And Thank a ton for everything!! 🙂
August 14, 2009 7:45 pm|
@ Paritosh: Thanks a lot Paritosh! Am glad it hooked you!!
Nah, I am not into Male Bashing things!! They were just 2 random posts.
And thanks for your support! 🙂
I took those comments in positive vein!! No hard feelings at all.
So, it was peace earlier and peace it shall be now too! 😀
Cheers and hope to see you regularly at “A rose is a rose is a rose!” 🙂
August 14, 2009 7:54 pm|
@ Sid: 🙂
@ Shankar: Thanks and you must try it too! All the very best!! 🙂
@ Shruti: Thanks for your feedback Shruti! 🙂
@ Rane: Thanks girl! Am so glad that you could apprehend the pain and trauma of the young girl!! 🙂
And yes, we should thank god for all his blessings!! 🙂
August 14, 2009 8:52 pm|
I’ll hav 2 agree with sum of d cmmntrs above tht thrs a dip this time. now waiting 4 a strong come back nxt friday:)
(now aftr cmmnting on ur post, i strt thinking which ‘type’ of cmmnt this was 😉
August 14, 2009 8:55 pm|
bt definitely d message bhind d story is vry humbling.. it just tht i know u cud hav presntd it in a mch better way!
August 14, 2009 9:12 pm|
Happy Indi Day 🙂
Jai Jawan, Jai Kisan hehe 🙂
Cheers!!!
August 15, 2009 3:07 am|
Hi Shilpa! good to see a poignant tale in 55 words 🙂
August 15, 2009 5:05 am|
@ Vipul: Hmmm…I know what you mean! Such high expectations are scaring me!! :O
Please, don’t categorize yourself…comment wise, coz the idea was never to categorize anybody, it was just the different flavors of expressions we see on our blogs!!
@ http://whysoserioustoday.blogspot.com: Jai Hind! 🙂
@ Musings of a lonely traveler: Thank you! Am glad you liked it!! 🙂
August 15, 2009 12:28 pm|
Heartfelt ending Shilpa. Now is the time I shall call you as veteran of 55 fiction..huh! 🙂
August 15, 2009 1:36 pm|
@ Amrit: Thanks! 🙂
Nah, there are still miles to go before that tag can be attached!! 😀
August 15, 2009 5:07 pm|
Nice one. You inspired me to try out this form. You make it look so appealing.
August 15, 2009 6:25 pm|
@ Mr. Pramathesh Borkotoky: Thanks Pramathesh!
Am glad you liked it!!
And you must try out this form of fiction!! All the very best!! 🙂
August 17, 2009 7:35 am|
Great work, Shilpa.
A small suggestion. Move the ellipsis (…) to ‘hiding’ and move the fullstop in it’s place. It would change association of ‘He’ to the previous sentance ( the den asking for help). At present it is as if ‘He’ is connnected to the last authoritarian exclamation (because of the ellipses).
Would you agree?
You are really tempting me to try it out!
August 17, 2009 7:36 am|
55Fiction, I meant!
August 17, 2009 8:31 am|
thebutterflydiaries:
Thanks a lot for:
1. Dropping by! 🙂
2. Am glad you liked it!
3. Wonderful suggestion!! 🙂
And you must try it out!! And let me know abut it!! All the very best!! 🙂
August 17, 2009 6:37 pm|
55 fiction is so tempting.
This one is lacking in the punch that your other 55fictions had but u have very subtly dealt with a sensitive issue like physical disability.
Do check out my first attempt of 55fiction.
August 18, 2009 1:57 pm|
beautiful n touching
August 18, 2009 3:42 pm|
@ Shas: Yes, you must try it out! And thanks for the feedback!
@ Mou: Thanks 🙂