Can I use your laptop?
Can your driver drop me there?
Please search for some images for my presentation.
Can I drop my kids at your place for 2 hours?
Should I go for that party?
These are perfectly harmless requests that come our way from friends, colleagues, neighbors and even our very own heart or brain.
It is easier to say Yes! 
And there could be a number of reasons…
…we don’t want to be rude
…we want to avoid having any conflict
…we are kindhearted, always helping soul
…we don’t want to miss out on any opportunity
But for the times that we say Yes, a small voice is struggling to come out and say No!
It can be difficult to say No whether in personal life or at work.
But saying Yes when we want to say No, can have negative consequences
…it may stress us out
…may have less time to do our own important work
…the other person may take us for granted
Do you say Yes, when you want to say No? What have you said No to recently?
Images courtesy : Google Images
72 Responses
Only under rare circumstances do I say yes when I want to say No. It makes me seem selfish, but that is how I am – in love with myself and won’t take unneccessary stress!
That’s super cool, Nisha! People may think whatever they like, but ultimately saying and doing what you believe in gives you much more peace! 🙂
It happened with me lot many times in past….but now I do not feel bad to say ‘No’ if I want to.:)
That’s the way it should be, Nibedita 🙂
Seriously its so important to say no… I rarely am able to do it though… 🙂
Well, you are not alone, Dhiren. So many of us are in the same boat! But it is OK to say NO, sometimes! 🙂
initially i used to say yes and land in trouble. Now it is yes only if i enjoy doing the help otherwise it is a emphatic ‘NO’.
They say, it’s all about learning the right way to say no! And sometimes, the fears of saying no are just in our mind!
i am never able to say a NO- as much as I want to ! sigh. it is imperative that we cultivate the habit … good post shilpa
I can understand that. But it is seen that after you start saying no to others, you realize that it’s really not as bad as you thought!!
I would love to say no as much as possible, and then become a social outcast! 😀
I agree that for our mental peace, we should learn to say no sometimes and very nicely!
Well said, rather than avoiding something altogether, it’s all about learning the right way to say no!
Ever so true. But so difficult to do. I also find it hard to say no. Nice one for the letter N.
True it is tough to say no, but when we learn to say no to requests that don’t meet our inner approval, and once we do that we find how easy it actually is!! 😀
I am very bad at saying no ! I dont think that a very good thing !
It is not a good when you do it all the time! 😛
It is very important to learn to say No to be stressfree. I did an article on this exact subject http://www.avagmah.com/why-should-you-master-the-art-of-saying-no/
Some very valid and wonderful pointers to get that inner peace! Thanks for sharing, Rachna 🙂
These days I am saying a lot of “No”s and I am a happier soul 🙂
Way to go, Sri 🙂
I am an OCD ‘yes’er – and I know I am taken for a joy ride ALL THE TIME…I don’t want my kid to learn that from me cause it bothers me more to think of her being exploited like me. Shilpa, this is like a reality slap. I promise myself to say NO this time around, specially when people are stepping on my toes 🙂
Oh yes! People are very smart to exploit this trait and you are taken for granted. But it is important to say No. I read this somewhere that we build up too many barriers in our mind to saying no. Most of the times, these barriers are self-created and they are not true at all. Don’t think so much about saying no and just say it outright! ATB, Laxmi 🙂
slowly learning to say No. Harmless rejections work good for you, rather than a pressurised yes.
You said it, Maliny! Agree with it completely! 🙂
I say “NO” clearly and loudly whn I just cant do it. Hanging in some mid line will confuse me and also the one who asked !! but at times wen it is some elder person or some person whom u have to oblige even if it gives shooting pain in U KNO WER I say yes 🙁 and then try to avoid them from next time 😛
I know, there are times when you cant say No at all. So we bear those times with a grin even if it hurts there! 😀
This post really spoke to me. I am always saying Yes, when I want to say no, and regretting it later. But of late I have been trying to assert myself. I don’t want my kids to think it is ok to have people walk all over you.
Being assertive is the key, Cynthia 🙂
That’s one thing I badly want to learn. I had so many bad experiences because I couldn’t say NO, even then, though my brain keeps telling ‘say No’, I end up saying yes. I completely agree that it’s okay to so No, but yet am rarely able to say it.
It’s time you start saying NO 🙂
It took years to cultivate, but I am now a professional no say-er. If it will cause me too much stress I will say no faster and better than a two year old child.
That’s cool 🙂
Love this, Shilpa. I used to be an absolute ‘yes’ woman and would end up feeling used and resentful. I’ve have learned gradually to say ‘no’ and feel no guilt. Like you said, saying ‘yes’ to ourselves is of prime importance. You’re a woman after my own heart! Hugs…♥
Even I used to be a Yes woman, but learnt some hard lessons and now am better at saying No. Hugs back to you too, Corinne 🙂
I still have not expertise learn to say a firm No… well long away from it. I wish i could learn to do so ASAP.
Sorry for the mistakenly added word ‘expertise’ and the typos 🙁
‘No’ has got to be the hardest word.
Agree!
I have really had to teach myself how to say no, especially at work. I often take on way too many projects!
Hmmmmm…. it is important to say No sometimes!
I used to say Yes all the time until I ended up in the hospital due to stress. Now I say no without guilt.
That’s the way it should be, Clarissa! 🙂
Coming from another OCD ‘Yes’er you know what I loved about your post Shilpa? Its not the ability to say “no”, but to not feel bad after saying it. That is the key. Easier said than done.
Meera
You know what Meera, sometimes it is all in our mind that the others would feel bad, but it is not as bad as we imagine! So say No, bindas! 😀
I’ve been saying ‘Yes’ to people since school days, whether it was helping someone in their homework or lending a book. I don’t like to sound rude, and I generally like to help, but in the end I would end up being used. This has happeneed with very close friends of mine. I’m learning to say ‘NO’ to people and it feels so much better. Better to say’ NO’ and avoid confusion.
Great going, Diana 🙂
I used to be pretty naive before and say yes, but now I really don’t. It’s a straight no. Surprisingly, it’s mostly because they don’t deserve it.
Personally, I think people should learn to be more independent than asking for help and then behaving like it’s their right to get things done by others. Pisses me off big time, that attitude.
I can relate to that!
I need to learn the art of saying No. I envy this ability in so many of my friends.
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I am too much a YES person to say NO. 🙁
Oh! 😛
Its not at all easy to say No!! Hmm!! 🙂
Try it sometimes! 🙂
I am going to share this on facebook for a friend who has a problem with saying NO. I do too, actually 🙁
Thanks a lot, Ava for sharing it on FB. Truly appreciate it! 🙂
Oh yes … I know what you mean about No! i enjoyed your post thank you for sharing from another A to Zer
Becs http://www.talesfromtedium.wordpress.com
Thanks and welcome here 🙂
I have spent half my life saying YES when I sometimes wanted to say NO. Will learn eventually 🙂
Yes, we all learn sooner or later! 🙂
I can never say no but I feel that I must learn to say a polite no,
Oh yes! it is how you say it, that is important 🙂
I can sense the situation beforehand,I bite my lips,clear my throat ,arch my back …only to croak a ‘YES’,yet again !!
Awww!! 🙂 😛
Very relevant.. So often I see myself agreeing to do things which I don’t want to do…and then I feel the stress which becomes difficult to handle later… I will try a No, I have decided.
Good girl 😀
Absolutely true.. We always tend to say Yes when we should ideally be saying No. I do that a lot.. I call it my weakness and am struggling to set it right..
You have made a perfectly agreeable point..
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All the best and thanks for sharing 🙂
I must repeat this to myself everyday “Its okay to say no”
Did you do it today!! 😀
Well,as far as I know…I never say NO for any genuine cause or reason of help
That’s superb and if it is genuine, one should definitely help! 🙂