3’s A Crowd

Title : 3’s A Crowd3's A Crowd
Author : Vijay Nagaswami
Publisher : Westland
ISBN : 978-93-81626-27-6
Number of Pages : 292
Price [INR] : 250
Genre: Self Help
Review : Infidelity… now-a-days, one hears so much about it in the society and a lot is written about it too. And there is general belief that there is something wrong and immoral about it but it sure is on the rise.

It is said that in a marriage, nothing hurts more or is difficult to recover from, or damaging than infidelity.

The most common reason cited for a divorce now-a-days is infidelity.

The book, 3’s A Crowd written by a Chennai based psychiatrist, Vijay Nagaswami, explores this aspect of human behaviour. In a very simple and lucid language, the author throws light on why people have affairs. The general belief is that only men have affairs but who do you think they are having affairs with? Though each affair would have it’s own unique story and explanations, the initial chapters in this book helps to view the larger picture clearly.

The author, a relationship counsellor, has had a vast experience of working with the aggrieved partners as well as the perpetrators of the affair. These real life examples shared in the book help in giving better understanding and perspectives from all the 3 affected parties.
The first section deals with Understanding Infidelity. This section shatters a lot of myths, viz…
  • Affairs take place only in “bad’ marriages, is a myth. It can happen even in a happy and a comfortable marriage.
  • Affairs kill marriages. Not necessarily. Yes, they cause a lot of trauma. But a lot of marriages improve post an affair.
  • Once a person has one affair, then more will surely follow. Majority of transgressors, feel remorse for their infidelity and want to fix their marriage.
  • Trust once broken, is impossible to build. It is possible to do so, as trust is one of the pillars of any marriage.

The second section deals with Surviving Infidelity.

Sooner or later the affairs do come out in the open, despite utmost secretive measures taken by the transgressors. Today’s technology, itemised call details of the mobile bill, chat transcripts in the computer etc help in a quicker ‘discovery’. So, what does one do after the discovery of the affair? This section will be very beneficial for those who have gone through or are going through this phase. It will help them to apply the new understanding to enhance the quality of their marriage. The step by step phases one may encounter when dealing with an affair in a marriage, is insightful and practical.

Though the book is full of wonderful insights and learnings. The best take away from this book is…Six things a couple need to do in their marriage post an affair…

  1. Make a second commitment
  2. Debug the marriage
  3. Balance your life-space investments
  4. Redefine your “We” and “I”  spaces
  5. Enhance intimacy
  6. Change the way you fight.

Since this section has less real life examples as compared to the first one, it’s less gripping.

The book does not give any sure shot formula or prescription to survive infidelity, but helps in sharing all about affairs and the steps that many couples have taken to survive them.

3’s A Crowd is a must read for all. Yes, for even those, who believe “an affair could never happen in our marriage”

Rating : 4.5/5

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PS : Incidentally, this is the 400th post on my Blog! 🙂

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