D is for Domestic Violence
My theme for this year’s Blogging from A to Z April Challenge is Marriage from A to Z in 55 Words. D is for Domestic Violence in Marriage, which is not so uncommon.
The red dot on her forehead signifies female energy.
The black beaded mangalsutra around her neck protects from evil.
The bright vermilion in her hair parting is to bring about good fortune.
These powerful symbols of marriage soon loose sheen.
For they are now dulled by blue marks and the grey clouds of domestic violence.
A Word to the Wise
You don’t have to wait for someone to treat you bad repeatedly. All it takes is once, and if they get away with it that once, if they know they can treat you like that, then it sets the pattern for the future. Jane Green.
Join me in enjoying blogs from fellow A to Zers Damaria Senne, Damyanti Biswas, Danny Simon, Debbie “Doglady”, Doreen McGettigan, dxb nidblog. Do share some blog love with them too!
You can check out my A-Z posts thus far by clicking on a highlighted letter!
April 4, 2014 12:12 am|
So true… One should move away from being abused…ofcourse it’s never easy no?
April 6, 2014 12:50 pm|
I believe, the circumstances, the financial dependence, the social stigma, the family support, all lead to the woman accepting the DV silently! 🙁
April 4, 2014 12:29 am|
So sad….love the way you used all the colors today.
April 6, 2014 12:50 pm|
Glad you liked this piece of writing, Teresa.
April 4, 2014 1:47 am|
I went to a self-defense course once taught by the local police department where they said you should decide now what you are willing to do if attacked, because once it happens, you probably won’t be able to think much. I can see that. Praying for all those caught in abusive relationships.
LuAnn Braley
AJ’s Hooligans @AtoZChallenge
Back Porchervations
April 6, 2014 12:54 pm|
I liked the question they asked. It helps you to prepare yourself better mentally first. Joining you in the prayers, and hope they come out of this terrible situation!
April 4, 2014 2:24 am|
I agree that if you let someone get away with treating you badly they think that it is ok to continue to do it because you put up with it. Sad that so many women stay in abusive relationships for a long time before leaving.
April 6, 2014 12:55 pm|
While DV is a crime, the victims are forced to believe that it is their fault. And since their spouses or close family members are involved, they prefer to keep quiet about it and suffer it silently. Wish they realize that they are not alone and that help is available!
April 4, 2014 2:42 am|
Loved the quote and the 55er. I am loving these posts Shilpa (even though I have not been regular in commenting).
April 6, 2014 12:56 pm|
Thank you so much for your support, A! Appreciate it 🙂
April 4, 2014 2:45 am|
So true Shipla, In some cases Men keep hurting their wives only because they are totally convinced That it is their Right and they know the wife will never revolt. Even many women, till date think that their husband has a right to hit them.
April 6, 2014 12:58 pm|
You are so right, Ananya! While DV is a crime, the victims are forced to believe that it is their fault, so they keep quiet about it and suffer silently day in and day out!
April 4, 2014 3:24 am|
Oh..it such an insightful post ….women need to move on ….but sadly many don’t either because they don’t want or simply they can’t ….
April 6, 2014 1:00 pm|
Yes, they need to speak up and walk out of such abusive relationships but sadly they continue to stay for years, letting the husband abuse and scar them, physically, mentally and emotionally too!
April 4, 2014 3:32 am|
I love how you contrasted the differences between the beautiful symbols of womanhood and the domestic violance that overshadows it. Too many times we see the symbols and ignore the violence, because we feel we can’t do anything to help, or we’re afraid/don’t want to interfere or that if we try, she will go back to him and it will be in vain.
I hope you won’t mind my posting this link this video on domestic violence. An organisation in South Africa campaigning against domestic violence conducted an experiment to see what kind of noise would elicit a response from neighbours. The results were shocking
http://youtu.be/BW30WslahMc
And thanks for the link love.
April 6, 2014 1:23 pm|
Thank you so much Damaria for connecting with this post!
And thanks for sharing that video. It is truly sad. Sometimes even the immediate family washes off their hands saying it is a matter between the couple and that they wouldn’t like to interfere in their private life.
In India we had a campaign, Ring the Bell – Bring Domestic Violence to a Halt.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=9t3BPv8tBP4
Hope the much needed change in our society happens soon!
April 4, 2014 4:36 am|
What a powerful post! It is so baffling to me that people stay on expecting change!
April 6, 2014 1:29 pm|
Thanks MCV. Yes, it is truly tragic… hoping for a change in such people is like hoping for the sun to rise from west!
April 4, 2014 5:09 am|
I absolutely love this post Shilpa! Love how you have used the colours and the symbols to spread the message on DV!
April 6, 2014 1:29 pm|
Thanks PB. Glad you liked this attempt!
April 4, 2014 6:31 am|
Wow I live the brilliant interpretation of colours… The last line hits you do hard. Powerful write Shilpa
April 6, 2014 1:30 pm|
Thank you Raj 🙂
April 4, 2014 6:55 am|
Powerfully worded 55er Shilpa!! More often than not the symbols remain just that, mere symbols. It takes a lot of courage for an abuse victim to come out for the society is always waiting to traumatize them further.
April 6, 2014 1:30 pm|
Thanks Reshma. Oh yes, our society is good at victimizing the victim, further! 😐
April 4, 2014 7:37 am|
Shilpa, this is a very timely and useful post. Cases of domestic violence are on the rise especially in young couples.
April 6, 2014 1:32 pm|
While, there is an awakening and many women are vocal about the crimes committed against them but still there are a lot who prefer to keep quiet about it and suffers the trauma and the humiliation for years altogether!
April 4, 2014 7:57 am|
so so true .. 🙁
April 6, 2014 1:32 pm|
🙁
April 4, 2014 8:01 am|
How sad it must for a woman, to feel all her dreams about a good family life shattered by the violence and abuse at the hands of her husband / in-laws. It is pathetic to note that this still exists in the society, despite all education and awareness going around.
Love the imagery, and the portrayal. Priceless ! 🙂
April 6, 2014 1:37 pm|
I know, such a grim reality with all dreams crushed and abused!
Thank you for your kind words, Sreeja 🙂
April 4, 2014 8:08 am|
Yes breaking away is always the best solution. However, I have found couples who have committed this crime under various pressure, and they have come to realize their mistake, and get back together to lead a very happy and loving life.
So, I think it all depends on individual circumstances, the way they come about to resolve their problems and find happiness once again in their lives.
April 6, 2014 1:40 pm|
I know what you mean, Rama. But doing something so heinous and gruesome to your spouse under the influence of somebody is so terrible. Speaks a lot about that person! Abusing physically or mentally is no way of bringing a solution to the problems at hand!
April 4, 2014 10:30 am|
I loved the way you introduced this topic, lovely ! and am so happy that you brought in domestic violence, which is now very conmen, as more and more women are coming out sharing their stories of violence and taking help. But I also find many more women, who are suffering in silence, even though they are highly qualified, earn well and are at the mercy of their husbands.
In the last few months, I have been dealing with few cases wherein some women were not only physically abused but even their personal educational certificates, ATM, debit cards, SB account everything is with the husband. It is sad to hear these problems – I like the way you closed this post, and what you quoted is very true, they say the ones who gets abused are the ones who take it …. thanks for sharing, I am touched by your post !!
April 6, 2014 1:42 pm|
Kudos to you Genevive for doing your bit in helping these women, counseling them and guiding them and helping them to come out of abusive relationships. More power to you! ♥
April 4, 2014 10:49 am|
Excellent post. One should move away from being abused. Should be the advice for both genders.
April 6, 2014 1:44 pm|
Very true. Domestic violence against men occurs too!
April 4, 2014 10:59 am|
brilliant post Shilpa….the mix of colours & symbols & then the quote summed up your topic very aptly…..good job! 🙂
April 6, 2014 1:45 pm|
Thanks a lot Dreamzandclouds!
April 4, 2014 11:18 am|
Fabulous post. Love how you depicted the story through different colors! And the quote is so true….all it takes is once.. Your NO or keeping mum in that moment defines your future!
April 6, 2014 1:47 pm|
Thank you Aditi! True, once you accept it, it sets the pattern for future! 🙁
April 4, 2014 11:37 am|
Sad but true…One out of every 10 women are being put through the torture of domestic violence…You’ve written it very well!
April 6, 2014 1:51 pm|
It is a grim situation. I saw the statistics and National Crime Records Bureau reveals that a crime against a woman is committed every three minutes, a dowry death occurs every 77 minutes, and one case of cruelty committed by either the husband or relative of the victim occurs every nine minutes!! 🙁
Thank you Danny!
April 4, 2014 12:03 pm|
It is so thoughtful D post and bloody brilliant (read it in ron weasley’s voice) 🙂 🙂 I can’t share this via twitter, i don’t know why?
April 6, 2014 1:52 pm|
Thank you so much Sri! I guess, there’s some problem with the settings of this post. Twitter is working fine on other posts, though!
April 4, 2014 12:30 pm|
You start so gently and then boom! The dark shadow underneath hits the reader hard and make her take notice. Very thoughtfully done post about a very important topic.
April 6, 2014 1:52 pm|
Thank you Beloo! Glad you liked this 55er! 🙂
April 4, 2014 12:33 pm|
Sad state of affairs in many households.
April 6, 2014 1:53 pm|
Yes, many! 😐
April 4, 2014 12:36 pm|
A wife looks forward to her husband coming home in the evenings but if he a monster like this one, she dreads his knock on the door. Powerful post, Shilpa.
April 6, 2014 1:54 pm|
And how scary that situation would be!! 🙁
Thank you Sulekha.
April 4, 2014 12:51 pm|
The state of affairs is really disheartening. Two people come together because they love each other and want to spend their life together. I wonder where in all this domestic violence sets in. Can’t imagine the state of families who witness all this..
April 6, 2014 1:57 pm|
Wonder, when and how the husband gets the idea that he can ill-treat his wife. I shudder to think about the children, seeing this abuse at home…it would scar them for life! 😐
April 4, 2014 1:14 pm|
Shilpa, you know what, I am fed up of asking one of my girl-friends to walk out of the relationship she is in, for this very reason. I try to make her see reason that even before marriage if the guy is so abusive and violent, there is no chance that he will treat you any better after tying the knot.
The girl just refuses to listen saying he will feel bad and all that nonsense.
April 6, 2014 1:59 pm|
Gosh… if that’s happening before marriage, God knows what it would be afterwards! ‘Feel bad…’ Ha! Which world is she staying in?? She should RUN in the opposite direction!!
April 4, 2014 1:27 pm|
I never knew any of that about the symbolism actually that is a lovely thing to know perhaps in another context, ie not related to it diminishing and later domestic violence. The domestic violence part you impart a very important message, so thank you for that. Beautiful blog by the way, really stunning. Hello from another A-Z blogger x
April 6, 2014 2:01 pm|
The red dot on the forehead, the vermilion and the mangalsutra are associated with married women in India, Justine!
Thanks and glad you liked the message conveyed in this post! And good to see you here 🙂
April 4, 2014 1:45 pm|
Sigh. This is why I say ALL women, everyone, should be financially independent. So they can walk away from mistreatment.
Do check out my latest post too The Importance Of Being Independent … a topic really close to my heart.
April 6, 2014 2:02 pm|
I checked out your post and it is a must read and should be practiced by all women. Thanks for sharing, Ash!
April 4, 2014 2:14 pm|
The sheen is definitely lost in cases of domestic violence… there is no simple answer – i wish there was Reflex Reactions
April 6, 2014 2:04 pm|
It is not easy to come out of an abusive relationship due to various factors at play but it must be done or the abuse has to stop!
April 4, 2014 2:22 pm|
v true shilpa …. aabuse of any kind is absolutely unacceptable!
April 6, 2014 2:06 pm|
Absolutely! It should not be tolerated at all!
April 4, 2014 2:35 pm|
What a masterpiece! The interweaving of colours and bringing in that striking contrast (pun intended with striking, by the way) 😉
You are going great with these 55-ers!
April 6, 2014 2:06 pm|
Thanks a lot, Shailaja 🙂
April 4, 2014 2:59 pm|
Shilpa, superbly crafted. The last line is a killer one!
I totally agree with Jane Green. There is no reason to put up with DV.
April 6, 2014 2:06 pm|
Thank you Monica.
April 4, 2014 3:45 pm|
Women should show their power not by tolerating domestic violence, but by saying NO to it. Blues and grays are not meant for them…
and the wise words are really inspiring.
April 6, 2014 2:06 pm|
Agree with you, Sheela.
April 4, 2014 3:57 pm|
Wonderful post Shilpa. It seems so logical to leave a man who’s violent yet it’s one of the toughest decisions to make.
April 6, 2014 2:08 pm|
I know, it is not easy, after all there are family and financial situation to be looked at and then we have our society too, which adds so much more misery in the victim’s life! 😐
April 4, 2014 3:57 pm|
Abuse in marriage is becoming more and more common sadly. The thing is, like Bhavz says, very few actually speak out. Your post was to the point but written with eloquence.
April 6, 2014 2:09 pm|
Yes, domestic violence is so rampant in our country and the sad reality is that countless women live with violence and fear and cover up the problem on a daily basis too!
Thanks Leo!
April 4, 2014 4:24 pm|
So true!! We women should indeed stop being patient at wrong times and stand firm for ourselves!! Very thoughtful post!
April 6, 2014 2:12 pm|
Yes, stopping it the very first time the abuse happened is the key! Thanks Swathi!
April 4, 2014 5:56 pm|
So very true this!
April 6, 2014 2:12 pm|
😐
April 4, 2014 6:23 pm|
Yes..only once is enough and many a time there are signals even before that one incident. Any kind of abuse is unacceptable!
April 6, 2014 2:13 pm|
Oh yes, there are signs always. But people choose to ignore them! 😐
April 4, 2014 6:50 pm|
This is powerful. In so less words you have said so much. I had posted a blog on Domestic violence sometime back looking at some cases around me. It is disheartening when someone is not even respected as a human in the name of humanity!
April 6, 2014 2:14 pm|
Thanks Shesha. Will check out your blog about it soon.
April 4, 2014 7:13 pm|
Violence toward a loved on is never excusable. 🙁
April 6, 2014 2:15 pm|
Never! 🙁
April 4, 2014 7:18 pm|
Very true and once you are trapped in a situation it is even more difficult to escape safely with you life. I learned that lesson first hand the hard way unfortunately with my first husband. In his case D was for divorce and good riddance.
April 6, 2014 2:15 pm|
Glad that you took that step, Kathy and things are so good and happy for you now. Stay blessed, always! Hugs ♥
April 4, 2014 7:21 pm|
Well done, taking on such a difficult subject. We don’t often like to talk about these things, but it is absolutely necessary!
Liz at Bead Contagion
April 6, 2014 2:16 pm|
Thanks Liz. Awareness is the key, hope more women realize to put an end to the abuse of DV!
April 4, 2014 7:34 pm|
Domestic violence is one of the worst realities of marriage…and yes once is enough to react, I agree.
April 6, 2014 2:17 pm|
Truly a tragic and a terrible thing to happen in any marriage!
April 4, 2014 8:33 pm|
Oh yes… this has to be dealt with at the right time and in the right way… liked d way you used colours to tell the story
April 6, 2014 2:18 pm|
Thanks Apoorva!
April 4, 2014 8:45 pm|
Shilpa,
Absolutely true. No woman should ever put up with this.
Take care
April 6, 2014 2:35 pm|
Yes, this abuse should stop!
April 4, 2014 8:59 pm|
That was a lovely read, Shilpa! Especially the colours that you chose to depict the story is commendable. Thanks for sharing 🙂
April 6, 2014 2:19 pm|
Thank you Sayantini!
April 4, 2014 9:28 pm|
Domestic violence is really awful. I can’t believe some men would dare to raise a hand to harm someone they supposedly love.
April 6, 2014 2:20 pm|
Yes, but sadly it is so commonly seen!
April 4, 2014 9:57 pm|
Shun domestic violence…
Very apt…
April 6, 2014 2:20 pm|
Thanks Sitara!
April 4, 2014 11:12 pm|
We shouldn’t allow it, even once!
April 6, 2014 2:21 pm|
Amen to that!
April 5, 2014 10:05 am|
Your description is very evocative! I feel sad that some women feel compelled to stay even after being abused!
April 6, 2014 2:21 pm|
Thanks Roshni! Wish they could stop the abuse against them!
April 5, 2014 10:48 am|
Victims often put up with domestic violence and other forms of abuse (not necessarily gender-oriented) because of the real fear that walking away may make the perpetrator do worse things, even kill them. Do view this TED Talk: http://www.ted.com/talks/leslie_morgan_steiner_why_domestic_violence_victims_don_t_leave
April 6, 2014 2:23 pm|
Yes, have read about so many incidents of killing the victims when they dare to walk out!
Thanks for sharing this link, PI!! So scary and so sad!
April 5, 2014 3:25 pm|
This was a great post. Domestic violence is a world-wide issue. It is bullying at it’s ugliest.
April 6, 2014 2:23 pm|
You are spot on, Michelle!
April 5, 2014 6:57 pm|
that’s a very delicate issue, and most women will not even accept that they are being abused….. crisp and hard hitting!
April 6, 2014 2:26 pm|
May be because they are convinced to believe that they are at fault, thus this treatment is meted out to them or they would like to cover up their husbands and some times I feel that they get used to this abuse too! 😐
April 5, 2014 7:35 pm|
Honestly..This is amongst the best described blog post I have read in years.
My compliments,Shilpa
April 6, 2014 2:26 pm|
Thank you Mr Chowla. You are too generous! 🙂
April 5, 2014 8:34 pm|
You do a great job of incorporating an explanation of what my ignorant self assumes are Indian cultural symbols and their meanings along with helping to education and lessen incidence of this global problem. Thank you.
You were kind enough to visit my blog and leave a comment, so I stopped by to see yours. I am intrigued so I am now a follower.
best regards,
Elizabeth
April 6, 2014 2:27 pm|
It was a pleasure to read you, Elizabeth and good to see you here! And thanks that you liked my space here 🙂
April 5, 2014 9:39 pm|
Very powerful, Shilpa!
April 6, 2014 2:27 pm|
Thank you Corinne!
April 6, 2014 4:24 am|
While walking away from a relationship is difficult, it is a necessity if there is violence going on.
April 6, 2014 2:28 pm|
Agree completely! There’s no point in living a life of fear and abuse!
April 6, 2014 11:24 am|
Yes , though one cannot generalise, exceptions are becoming not aberrations .
Then a question why not some identification marks for men like the vermilion or the red dot etc?
April 6, 2014 2:33 pm|
Of course, this does not happen to everyone, but it does happen to a lot of people. National Crime Records Bureau reveals that a crime against a woman is committed every three minutes, a dowry death occurs every 77 minutes, and one case of cruelty committed by either the husband or relative of the victim occurs every nine minutes!! I didnt get you regarding the identification marks for men.
April 7, 2014 1:50 am|
So much said in so little words! perfectly done!
April 8, 2014 11:49 pm|
Thank you Nibha.
April 7, 2014 10:15 am|
Loved the traditional twist here, shilpa. Good effort.
About your words to the wise, one should develop self-esteem, shilpa. Most women who endure such violence lack self-respect.
April 8, 2014 11:50 pm|
Thanks Asha! True, rather their self esteem is crushed and killed!
April 8, 2014 5:29 pm|
Sad that these colors of marriage at times makes a woman so fragile…
April 8, 2014 11:51 pm|
They do… for many women! 😐